Band Aid 30: Cease and Desist

Bob Geldof caring about African children

Last week, the news of a fourth Band Aid project came through. Today, the full list of artists involved was announced and it's a stellar cast of British pop giants, just like previous Band Aids. It's going to be a re-recording of the "classic" Do They Know It's Christmas and it's going to raise money for West Africa and their fight against Ebola. It's going to be plugged a lot and it's going to be up and around that part of the charts when it comes to Christmas number one time, though a release date has not been announced yet.

Before I slag off Bob Geldof and Band Aid (because I will be doing that), I should first mention that Ebola is a terrible disease that has torn apart lives, families and whole communities in West Africa. The fact that such a tragedy is happening primarily in a place which is so under-equipped to deal with a crisis like this is particularly worrying. Caring about the plight of those in close contact with Ebola should have little to do with the risks of us in the Western world catching it. There is plenty of reason to do so already, mainly compassion for your fellow human.

Give what you can to help the Red Cross in their valiant efforts in West Africa

Ok

Anyone who has been at all aware of British popular culture in the last 30 years will be aware of Do They Know It's Christmas. If you managed to dodge that bullet, please watch this video of famous people pulling their best "I care about poor people" faces:


Amazing.

Well where does one start? The hair? The hilariously 80s synths? George Michael? These are all too easy targets.

First of all, the lyrics. These are some of the most patronising lyrics ever written. This song is a prime example of how Western media have created detrimental misconceptions about charity and developing countries. Just take this line for example:

Oh, where nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow

Tell me if I'm jumping to conclusions, but the song actually telling us that Africa has no rivers, no rain and is completely barren. Nothing ever grows, no rain or rivers flow. Just to clear this up, it does rain in the vast and geographically diverse continent of Africa, crops are grown (approximately 65% of Africans work in agriculture) and there are rivers in Africa. In fact, the longest one in the world is in Africa. From just this one line, Bob Geldof has created a wholly negative image of Africa: a strange, dystopian wasteland devoid of life. More lines that make this proud, culturally rich continent seem like something out of this painting include:

And it's a world of dread and fear

Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears

And the Christmas bells that ring there

Are the clanging chimes of doom

It's shit like this which makes people view Africa as a basket case, totally uncivilised and definitely inferior to us clever Europeans. This latter, almost colonialist view is emphasised in this line:

Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Do they know it's Christmastime at all? Well the answer will obviously vary from person to person. Those who don't know it's Christmastime won't know because um, well, they have their own cultures that don't do Christmas like we do. Those who do, well it's because us Europeans brutally colonised them and made them believe in God. So either way, it's kind of patronising to ask this question...

Ok ok ok I get it, it's not meant to be taken literally, it's a metaphor for the fact that Africans in poverty have less reasons to be happy than we do in such a time of celebration. But it is still kinda patronising. It is kind of implying that you can't be happy unless you celebrate this Christian festival, like us clever guys in Europe. You can't be happy unless you buy into this lifestyle, these values and these customs. If you don't, you must be living in some kind of dystopian wasteland where there are no rivers or something...

Some these lines are just god damn stupid. Take this one for example:

And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmastime

Here is a link to a website for a ski resort in Lesotho, Africa.

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

I don't have to explain why this is bad do I?

So the song itself takes 53 different countries in Africa and places them all into one, mega-hellhole. Hearing this song a lot in TV, radio or on your music playing device might just make you think no-one in Africa is capable of anything. You'll think this despite the fact that many African countries are developing every day. Having this kind of viewpoint is wrong, especially when you consider the story of Nigeria, who have managed to completely rid themselves of Ebola, showing a great deal of independence doing so.

Ok ok ok I hear you. Yeah sure the song has dodgy lyrics, but it's raised millions and millions of pounds over the years for charity, making it alright...right? Well maybe not. The question of where did all the money go is quite a good one. There have been allegations that money from Band Aid in 1984 went to rebels in Ethiopia, who then used it to buy arms...to kill people. This BBC article (for which Geldof complained, and the BBC ended up apologising) claims that the percentage of money that ended up in rebel hands could've been around 95%. Admittedly, no-one can truly know whether or not this figure is true or not, but it remains the case that a significant amount of money raised by Band Aid went to killing people. It's a common problem faced by all humanitarian groups, but it's not like that was part of the aesthetic of Band Aid. Bob Geldof fills these projects with idealistic rhetoric, that promise so much from the contributions of us clever Europeans. It's never been mentioned that fucking it up and making it worse is a distinct possibility. There are plenty of charity workers and humanitarian groups who are doing good work and trying to make the world a better place, but the good ones know that these problems exist. Band Aid tends to forget that part somewhat...

So that was in 1984. What's changed? Well they did another one in 1989. Then Band Aid 20 happened in 2004 for the famine in Darfur. That brings us to 2014 and Band Aid 30. The artists involved this year so far include most of the most annoying people in British music:

One Direction (utter shit)

Ed Sheeran (no...he's not good...he's just not good...and he's so very boring)

Bastille (maybe even more shit than One Direction)

Foals (just to clear it up, listening to Foals does not make you indie)

Elbow (world's greatest advert/montage music band ever)

Ellie Goulding (meh)

Sam Smith (could it get any more boring?)

Coldplay (yes it could)

Olly Murs (I want to punch his stupid grinning face)

Paloma Faith (no, you're not kooky)

Bono (I think South Park sum this one up best)

So these boring people will be coming together to do a very bad song that has already been done three times. Why on earth would they be doing this? Well it's clearly a self-righteous career move. It's a stamp of approval from mainstream media. It's a chance to show the public at large just how decent they all are because they love charity. 

Ok ok ok I hear you. What's wrong with them loving charity? Can't they do their bit too? Well yeah, of course they can and there's nothing wrong with loving charity. Is doing Band Aid loving charity though? Could Bono, the man so rich that he once paid for a first-class plane ticket for his favourite hat to fly to his gig not be charitable more effectively? Could he and his very rich and powerful friends not feed the world as well the people buying the shit music? Must he also be so loud about how good he is? The tragedy of charity singles like these is that the focus shifts from the people who are selflessly committing themselves to these worthy causes and to these celebrities, who do relatively very little. 

The sad thing is, all of what I've said here has been said before. Chumbawumba famously put out the album Pictures of Starving Children Sell Records as a pretty direct criticism of it. Morrissey also said this about Band Aid:

'I'm not afraid to say that I think Band Aid was diabolical. Or to say that I think Bob Geldof is a nauseating character. Many people find that very unsettling, but I'll say it as loud as anyone wants me to. In the first instance the record itself was absolutely tuneless. One can have great concern for the people of Ethiopia, but it's another thing to inflict daily torture on the people of Great Britain. It was an awful record considering the mass of talent involved. And it wasn't done shyly it was the most self-righteous platform ever in the history of popular music.'

It does feel a bit wrong to openly attack someone who recently and tragically lost a daughter, but I do think Band Aid has done a lot more bad than good. To me, this makes it even more upsetting that in 2014, this is happening again. At face value it's a shit song, making it bad for music. Then the song patronises Africa, having a detrimental effect on how its proud nations and people are perceived in this country. Worst of all, it changes what charity is about. Charity should be about compassion for your fellow human. Charity should be entirely motivated by kindness and goodwill. Charity should be about those who have more than they need giving what they can to those who don't have enough. 

Popstars are great, but you don't always have to buy into their bullshit. If you want to donate money to help out those in West Africa, go straight to the charities we know are doing it right. Don't go through the most self-righteous, nauseating middle-men in history.

Donate to the Red Cross here